North Carolina Department of Motor Vehicles

There are few things that I fear in life; spiders, lettuce, jason gore, the way the g-string on a guitar never says in tune. All of these are things that strike fear in my otherwise fearless heart. However, one thing that I abhor more than any other is visiting the DMV. As soon as I walk into the place I am ticked off because I have to stand in line with no less than 87 other people who are equally if not more ticked off that they have to stand in the same huge line with me. Tensions are high because the odds that you have all of the pieces of paper that you need hover somewhere between 6 and 8 percent. I begin praying two days in advance that I will not have to go back home, get my birth certificate and then get back in that cursed line.

Well here is the thing, the tags on my car have been expired since March, 2008. In case you are counting, that is almost 7 months ago. I have been avoiding cops like the plague. Everywhere I go I keep an eye on the rearview mirror in case one falls in behind me. At all stop lights I stay in the right hand lane so that if a cop is coming up from the rear I can make a quick right in hopes that he won’t see that my tags are 7 months expired. All of this has been exhausting to say the least. So this weekend (sometime Sunday morning I think…) I decided that enough was enough. Monday morning I was going to go face to music, head down to the DMV and renew my tags. I got there at about 7:45 and was 32nd (I counted…) person in line. The person who was number one said she had been camped out since Saturday afternoon (OK … I made that up…but she must have gotten there at like 6AM…lunatic). So I waited and waited. And waited. A brown haired lady with birkenstocks on cussed out the DMV worker for telling her that she needed a 5th form of ID. She was escorted out. I thought for sure I was doomed to the same fate. Finally I stepped up to the counter and told the Sandra, the DMV worker, that I needed to renew my tags. She took my license and pulled up my info in the system. “Mr. Downing are you aware that your tags have been expired since March?” “Yes, Sandra. Thanks for pointing that out. My life has been a veritable hell since then.” “OK Mr. Downing. I just wanted to make sure you were aware. Are you also aware that you are on a prayer for judgment a this time?” “Oh Sandra, thou art so astute. I am in fact aware that I am about 6 months into a prayer for judgment. Thank you.” Anyway, after what felt like about an hour of typing on that dern computer she hands it to me: my brand new registration. I run outside, triumphant, jubilant. The birds are singing. I have defeated the insidious beast that I once feared. It is going to be a great day.

This is my brand new sticker….I am so proud….


9 thoughts on “North Carolina Department of Motor Vehicles

  1. dude this is hilarious.. i feel your pain. i recently had to pay $250 because i didn’t get my inspection done in time. and by ‘in time,’ i mean i had a grace period of 5 months after it was actually due and still didn’t make it..

  2. Never go on a Monday morning. Everyone else is trying to work out their problems on Monday morning. Go like Tuesday afternoon at 2. There are a lot less people there.

    Congratulations of conquering that beast. Now, to move on to another. Jason Gore, perhaps.

  3. Pat, I applaud your fear of Jason Gore (I too fear this large beast and his battle cat like companion he calls Tanner) and your use of the work “abhor” in everyday blogging. Kudos sir, kudos.

  4. oh lettuce…say congrats on your day. Pat, if you don’t have a job why not go at like 10a or 11a or evening 3p? Did you ever get the body work done on the Accord of Blue?

  5. This whole thing was hilarious. I laughed so hard when I read it. I’ve been avoiding the cops too because I haven’t gotten around to getting my car inspected!

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